Had many bitter relationship experiences in my life. Made the same mistakes over and over again. I was not thought how to commit. What I heard from my mom; I need to find a well established handsome man. Honestly I did not understand why I always end up with someone unstable, but I love them unconditionally. —-Turns out, mostly they disappoint me.
I learned, love is not enough. You need to get to know your future partner first before getting into relationships. My problem was, my mom often asked me “where is your boyfriend?” I even had been single for a year and she kept asking the same question. It forces me to find a boyfriend fast. She also hoped I got married early. I wanted to take another degree again on psychology but my mom wouldn’t allow me, I know she had the money but she said,“it’s not the time to study anymore, think about marriage.” So after the age of 24 every boyfriend I had we always discuss about marriage. Marriage to me=freedom. (Had a not so good past with my parents that makes me just want to get out of here-save this story for later). For these reasons I chose the wrong man all the time. Well maybe not wrong, it’s just he is not the one for me, I just decide to soon.
There are a some guys I said yes to but I did not love him (at first), then through time I learned to love him unconditionally. Why did I make a fast decision? 1st I was lack of love in my family, 2nd my mom always wanted me to have a partner. When she asked “where is your boyfriend?” and not just once I sometimes felt like no one loves me, I’m ugly, and so on (that was before though).
Most of my relationships, I–wasn’t ready for it. I want the relationship for the wrong reasons. I was lonely, unloved.
So during one of my relationship, I barely knew him. In about a month or so he already asked me to be his GF. I–was afraid I wouldn’t get another man so I said yes. I was…not that happy…I guess? I accepted him because he has the same believes as mine, he wasn’t stable at economy but at least he work. Mom also agreed because he is quite handsome. I think he was a hard working man since he is still unstable and he seemed to love his family.
After a few months. I felt I loved him dearly and unconditionally. He wasn’t good at saving money and he changed. He doesn’t care about me, he never texted me while he was working (I did not ask much but he seemed not interested to chat with me). I called him every time he comes home from work just to talk because I missed him but his respond was “I am tired/can we just chat?/can we talk later?”. I often nag about when can we get together, when can we meet, but his response hurts me slowly…I had the feelings he have another someone that he is close to. I rarely see his cell phone (I don’t like to check on phones). I ever asked him if he is bored with me and he did not say anything so I assumed yes. It really breaks my heart. I decided to just break it off with him. He cried. WTF, he cried and wants me back (I was so lazy to start another relationship, restarting over) so I accepted him. I wanted him to care about me more, I–wanted us to spend more time together. The first month he was so sweet and we decided to have an engagement on February. It was hard for me to believe him at first but I slowly can accept him again.
On the second month, I think this was after the engagement, he was taking a shower in my house. I did not know why I was curious to see his cell phone that he borrowed from my mom. I was curious, saw his LINE and *bam*. Just a single chat from a lady and it showed how close they are. WTF, I cried. Had an argument with him. Long story short I gave him another chance. I did not know why I gave him another chance…but I was totally insecure after that. I kept asking where he went and so on. It was his fault making me this way. He said he doesn’t like me like this. Got me thinking…I cannot love him anymore. I break up with him again. He cried again saying last time he did not take it seriously. I did not accept him again. One month once a week he gave me a rose, but I cannot trust him anymore. So my relationship with him ended here. (FYI in a month he got a new GF–so during the roses phase he was already close to another woman). Meh Well I hope he changed now.
WHAT I HAVE LEARNED
Love is not enough. Even though you loved someone so dearly but you did not do something that makes that person loved/happy or vice versa means you are not ready for the relationship.
Love is not enough, it needs an effort even after marriage.
Autopilot kills relationship. It’s doing something the same over and over again without any developments towards each other. Also having the same arguments without understanding each other is hard. I know thinking about it just lazy but if you are committed you need an effort. Here is a good site to discuss about relationship effort.
…then again there is more to it…
~to be continued