• Life Picturesque,  Thoughts for Life

    My Other Past

    I had been pending this post for a while. Did not know whether I should post it or not, but I just wanted to share my feelings towards a quite crucial event that happened to me in the past.
    I don’t really know about his past. All I know he had loving parents (my grandparents). I was closer to him yes I did but after 6 months they divorce he never comes up in my life again. I was too young to know about these things. It did not matter to me as much if I did not meet him at all before. It effects me when I have grown older. So when I was 19 I tried to contact him through my cousin from his side. I did not know why I wanted to contact him that time. My cousin gave me his BlackBerry pin. I tried adding him but he declined. I asked my cousin and he said the reason was that my dad was afraid he would be reminded of my mother. What kind of bullshit reason was that. Well I thought maybe my step-mother doesn’t allow him to contact me. I was sad before but now I just don’t really care anymore. I do think about him sometimes, because he is still my biological parent and he is still there in my memories. I just want to know what was all his reasons for doing this to me. Though it doesn’t really affect me at all now.
    Divorce. You can divorce your spouse but you can’t divorce your children. Remember that 🙂
     

  • Life Picturesque,  Thoughts for Life

    Blaming Your Family

    The past cannot be changed, the future is shaped by our current thinking. It is imperative for our freedom to understand that our parents were doing the best they could with the understanding awareness and knowledge they had. Whenever we blame someone else, we are not taking responsibility for ourselves.
    Those people who did all those terrible things to us were just as frightened and scared as you are. They felt just the same helplessness as you do. The only things they could possible teach you are what they had been taught.

    ~taken from a book called You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay
    This is my current issue. I know that I should stop blaming them (especially my mom) but it is hard. I know she had provided for me but you know, I have lived with her my entire life and there are so much pain that she had caused me. I am coming through a process which I try not to blame her anymore.
    So in the book also asked, did you know about your parents pasts? Honestly I thought about it quite a lot. I know that her dad was a gambler and a cheater (I think she hated him and my own grandpa even doesn’t know me). I know she lived a hard life and worked hard her entire life because she lived poorly and always said to me that she don’t want to be like my grandma (weak and doesn’t have money). Then she had to overcome a divorce when I was in my middle school. I just knew that my dad had often cheated on her. I was closer to my dad before and I did not know that he was that kind of person. She had been through a lot in her life…it effects me too, it effects the way she educates me. I never failed at school, but I wasn’t good at it either. My mom doesn’t really care about my grades I did not know why…I wish she were because I wanted to study more when I graduated from my first bachelor degree. (She always wanted me to get married don’t know why–probably because of my family surroundings).
    You know when she did and said those mean things to me I always thought maybe I’m not her child or maybe I reminds her of my dad. I don’t know maybe I had this resemblance of him? It doesn’t really matter to me anymore. I grew to be a stronger woman now. I mean these things made my eyes open about the different aspects of life. However, my step-father is more to a supportive father, he often tells me to do what I like in life (instead to always listens to my mother) but I never took it seriously because I feel that my mom is more dominate and it was my fault. He even concerned when I was in a relationship with someone who doesn’t have a job and still depends on mommy’s money. Well…
    To conclude this topic, yes parents gave a great impact of what you become; but remember that after you graduated from high school or maybe university you have a freedom and the right to choose what you like to do in your life. Even though you will still need their direction, it is still your choice of what you want to be.
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