• Life Picturesque

    One More Light; Linkin Park

    This song made me both sad and peaceful.
    Should’ve stayed. Were there signs I ignored?
    Can I help you not to hurt anymore?
    We saw brilliance when the world was asleep.
    There are things that we can have but can’t keep.
    If they say,
    Who cares if one more light goes out
    In the sky of a million stars?
    It flickers, flickers.
    Who cares when someone’s time runs out
    If a moment is all we are?
    Or quicker, quicker.
    Who cares if one more light goes out?
    Well, I do.The reminders pull the floor from your feet.
    In the kitchen one more chair than you need.
    Oh.
    And you’re angry, and you should be, it’s not fair.
    Just ’cause you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t there.If they say,
    Who cares if one more light goes out
    In the sky of a million stars?
    It flickers, flickers.
    Who cares when someone’s time runs out
    If a moment is all we are?
    Or quicker, quicker
    Who cares if one more light goes out?
    Well, I do.
    Who cares if one more light goes out
    In the sky of a million stars?
    It flickers, flickers.
    Who cares when someone’s time runs out
    If a moment is all we are?
    Or quicker, quicker.
    Who cares if one more light goes out?
    Well, I do.
    Well, I do.
  • Life Picturesque,  Thoughts for Life

    He's not that Into You

    He’s just not that into you if he’s a selfish jerk, a bully or a really big freak. If you really love someone you want to do things that make them happy.

    ~taken from a book called He’s not that Into You by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo
    I’m really not a book person but when there’s a good book I take a good read (mostly books about psychology, love, life).
    He was perfect. He has ways to make me feel good. I knew he was the one. *Silence* At least that’s what I thought. We have a different way of living here in my country. I think that most western people, before they got married, they lived with their partners for a few years then they decided to get married. Here like most Asians do, we cannot live like that. It is a very different life if you compare dating phase and marriage phase.
    My family is quite different from the others (perhaps). Sometimes my parents allow my bf to stay a night or two at the house (during weekends). There I can know how they actually acts around the house. For example if we had finished eating, will he help us to clean the plates? I mean I know it is my house but he is my boyfriend, at least be considerate. It is really a good thing to know if he just automatically helps without me saying anything. This act would also make my parents thinks he is good. This act will make me think that I can depend on him.
    Back to this topic : He was perfect. He has ways to make me feel good. I knew he was the one. *Silence* At least that’s what I thoughtI dated this guy once. He is really good at making people believed in him. It was a really short dating phase when I thought that he is the one. We get serious. He does makes me happy at first but then after awhile he stopped doing effort for the relationship. Long story short it leads me to depression. So honestly, though sometimes I see that short dating phase turns out good in marriage, it doesn’t work for all people.

    If you really love someone you want to do things that make them happy.

    I believe in this quote because if I love someone I always do things to make them happy…but it is really disappointing if he doesn’t…what is the point of relationship if it doesn’t makes us happy?
     

  • Life Picturesque,  Thoughts for Life

    Love is~

    Love is Blind.
    You cannot think rationally when you are in love.
    You don’t care the consequences.
    You know you make the wrong choices yet you still go on.
     
    Love was blind.
    You knew you shouldn’t take the decision but you took it.
    You now know the consequences.
    You regret the choices you have made.
     

    The problem is—

    Love is like a drug.
    It’s an addiction that you cannot stop until you gain your consciousness and found out if he is the one or not.
    Love makes you foolish.
    You want to be loved in your own way whilst not thinking of your partner’s desire.
     
    _____
     
    …but what is Love?

    1 Corinthians 13:4-8New International Version (NIV)

    Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
    Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
    The description of love in the bible is the closest meaning for me; but it is not an easy thing to do, there is always more to it…
    ~to be continued

  • Life Picturesque,  Thoughts for Life

    Tiny bits of ME VS Chester Bennington

    I am currently at Semarang right now. I had finally did a consultation with my grandma and my aunt for my problems. I feel that I can talk to them more than my parents ;_; or I guess the most closest people are the most far for some people. My grandma and aunt told me something that I really wanted to hear. One of it is going to school again. I mean, university. I had always loved psychology and I wanted to study psychology since I graduated from my first bachelor degree.
    I’m going to discuss a bit about parenting here. First of all, I don’t have the backgrounds and true knowledge of the things I said but it has to do with common people thinking.
    So I always felt that I don’t really have good parents. They do love me I know. It’s just their way of doing it is wrong. My mom and biological dad has been divorced since I was in middle school. I used to be closer to my biological dad but after 6 months they had been divorced I feel like I have been dumped by him. I am not sure whether my mom pays him not to see him anymore or is it really him and his new wife that has problem with having me. I didn’t really care back then.
    Living just with my mom is really hard. I often got stressed and I feel so unloved. She cannot love me the way I want to be loved. She thinks I feel loved just by her providing for me, giving me things that I did not ask…but when I really want something she doesn’t give.
    I had my first nervous breakdown when I was in university. I was 19. I had a stupid fight with my mom. Wanting her to understand me but she never thinks about other people, the important thing is she is always right. When she came in my room I suddenly shouted real hard. Without saying any words. Just shout. I asked for help to my cousin and my other aunt but they not seemed to care so I stopped depending with my family. I just want to feel loved until and I feel that when I got attention from other people. I got in bad past relationships because I can’t really choose a good partner. My mom only cares for me to have a boyfriend and get married soon. I…was never ready to get married, but I really want to get out of this house. So I finally tried to follow what she wants. I never get a long lasting relationship because I cannot think clearly what is best for me. I never think about the future until now. I have no vision. I was a lost child. Ok let’s stop here first. I will post about my life more in the future.
    I am actually grateful that all these this happens to me because at the end it inspires me. It gives me inspirations to write. It gives me the will to help people that are having problems like me or even worse.
    I have an example. Chester Bennington. He is the lead singer in Linkin Park. It was my favorite band during my school year. Chester had a bad past. Here’s a link to his story Click Here. His problems was in the past but he still struggles with his life after he already became famous. I don’t really know about the details but he ended his life by doing suicide. In Christian it’s really an awful thing to do. You will go to hell for that. What I want to discuss though, I really admire his works, his songs really inspires me, but why? Why he ended his life? Maybe he is not that close to God. Maybe he did not pray enough. I think one of his songs called Heavy really reflect that he is having problems.

    I’m holding on
    Why is everything so heavy?
    Holding on
    So much more than I can carry
    I keep dragging around what’s bringing me down
    If I just let go, I’d be set free
    Holding on
    Why is everything so heavy?
    I am a Christian but I still often thinks about suicide. I think you cannot avoid suicide thinking if you have been through problems like me or Chester. I cannot compare my problems to him though because my pasts wasn’t as traumatic as him. I’m actually really sad that he decides to end his life because I always loved his songs. If I can talk or convince him before he suicide, I really want to do that.

    If they say
    Who cares if one more light goes out?
    In the sky of a million stars
    It flickers, flickers
    Who cares when someone’s time runs out?
    If a moment is all we are
    Or quicker, quicker
    Who cares if one more light goes out?
    Well I do

  • Life Picturesque

    Got hit by a Car!!@##%@^!

    Got news this morning that Boy got hit by a car. THIS IS WHAT I AM AFRAID OF. I like to use leash on him but my parents said that he cannot go poop with leash (because he is already used to be free without leash). It is quite true but I am overly aware of the cars around my house complex because they sometimes speed up when they are not suppose to. I often got scared if I went out with my dogs (I usually went out with them every night and even at night we have speeders -_____-). Sometimes I still use the leash because I am so stressed if there are speeding cars coming and seeing Boy is close to the speeding car. I feel awry though seeing Boy can’t poop with leash 🙁
    My parents went to the vet early in the morning (I didn’t know whether they did a scan on Boy or not), they said though when Boy was examined by the vet, he didn’t cry at all. So they thought he is okay. While my parents were there, they also examined Kumo and found out that his heart are getting bigger. I’m kind of traumatized with my previous dog a samoyed too, he pass away because of heart and lungs. I don’t really know the details but I really want to be more careful taking care of our dogs now. I see that Kumo is really fat right now, it’s kind of hard to control his food because he likes to eat XD He is cute tho fat body small face 😀 but I know he must balance his diet!
    Sick Boy
    Anyway, I hope Boy will be okay, he’s just lying on the floor, cannot move. If we touch him he will cry :(( and what I don’t get it is the car that hits him just went away :(( Not responsible at all!! ( ⁍᷄⌢̻⁍᷅ ) (⌯˃̶᷄ ﹏ ˂̶᷄⌯)