• Life Picturesque,  Thoughts for Life

    Disappointment Part II – Try to Change People

    To be honest. I have had too many disappointment in life. I didn’t say that I did not disappoint other people also though, but I am quite sure I have made people disappointed in me too. Me myself is not perfect too I know.
    The previous post about disappointment, I wrote about trying to change. The thing is does “changing” people a good thing? It is a good thing if you change them to a better person. According to my experience though, we cannot totally change people’s character. It’s to the point where you need to accept them for who they are. I know it is hard. It is definitely hard for me.
    My character, I got disappointed easily. During my relationships with someone, I often wanted to change them to be a better person. For me it is normal when you don’t want your boyfriend to get close with another woman, or vice versa because it leads to what you called temptation. Or other things like want them to not be lazy, have a job, 24/7 with you, etc etc, but perfect isn’t for human. One of my bad characteristic is I always feel I lack of attention (towards my partner).

    #1

    He got the looks but he wasn’t good at his economy. My mom probably doesn’t allow me to be with him. So I prayed to God for His guidance. I eventually said yes to him. We both are Christian. Every start of relationship is always great. Fresh. We went to Church every Sunday. It was great for a few months. Then we started to skipped Church, I became lazy to pray. I think it effects my relationships. I start lacking of his attention. I craved and I think it made him feels disturbed? I need to tell him or even begged him for attention. It’s going on and on until a few months. I feel there’s distant between us. I started to get insecure, I demanded him to come to my house more often and so on. I feel what I did made him uncomfortable and he started to mingle with other women. Made me more insecure and unhappy I should have break up, well I did, he begged me to get back with him. I thought, maybe he learned his lesson. But no, he did not, instead I found out that he was flirting with another woman. Why did he not just break up with me, was it because my mom has money or something? Why did he hurt me over and over again. Even on our engagement day he wasn’t looking happy. I don’t understand. I got disappointed every single day. I cannot change him to be better.

    #2

    He wasn’t my first choice, he is 3 years younger than me. What did I expect? He went to my house everyday like he was crazy about me. I actually had the feeling that we wont last long. I accepted him (because I felt he truly loved me). I know very well we did not really match for each other. Lasts for only 4 months. He was in my previous posts before. He was the very worst of my ex. While he was with me he’s still close with his ex. While he was with me he was flirting with another woman. Why do I always made the wrong choice? I think before accepting anyone I should think about it more. I should know his background.

    #3

    Kept doing the same mistake. I trust people so easily that I got disappointed all the time. I thought he was the one, but he wasn’t. With him it was like a fairy tale. He often said good things to me. Good visions for the future, but on the present time the future visions wouldn’t be accomplished if he has that kind of characteristics. We both weren’t ready for serious commitments. It was all about love, but love always isn’t enough.
    Lesson learned. We can’t change a person characteristics, a little maybe can. We can make them to be better but we can’t change them to have a different character. We need to accept them and if you can’t accept them don’t be with them or get married with them.
     

  • Fragment of Memories,  Life Picturesque,  Thoughts for Life

    Disappointment Part I: I Promise I will Change

    I’m sorry,
    I promise I will change.
    I’m sorry,
    I promise I will change.
    I’m sorry,
    I promise I will change.
    I’m sorry,
    I promise I will change.
    I’m sorry.
    You got your chance. Goodbye~
    Do you know the feelings of disappointment? Have you ever been disappointed or even disappoint someone? How much do you love someone until you are willing to forgive them over and over and over again no matter how much they hurt you?
    ~to be continued
     

  • Life Picturesque,  Thoughts for Life

    He's not that Into You

    He’s just not that into you if he’s a selfish jerk, a bully or a really big freak. If you really love someone you want to do things that make them happy.

    ~taken from a book called He’s not that Into You by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo
    I’m really not a book person but when there’s a good book I take a good read (mostly books about psychology, love, life).
    He was perfect. He has ways to make me feel good. I knew he was the one. *Silence* At least that’s what I thought. We have a different way of living here in my country. I think that most western people, before they got married, they lived with their partners for a few years then they decided to get married. Here like most Asians do, we cannot live like that. It is a very different life if you compare dating phase and marriage phase.
    My family is quite different from the others (perhaps). Sometimes my parents allow my bf to stay a night or two at the house (during weekends). There I can know how they actually acts around the house. For example if we had finished eating, will he help us to clean the plates? I mean I know it is my house but he is my boyfriend, at least be considerate. It is really a good thing to know if he just automatically helps without me saying anything. This act would also make my parents thinks he is good. This act will make me think that I can depend on him.
    Back to this topic : He was perfect. He has ways to make me feel good. I knew he was the one. *Silence* At least that’s what I thoughtI dated this guy once. He is really good at making people believed in him. It was a really short dating phase when I thought that he is the one. We get serious. He does makes me happy at first but then after awhile he stopped doing effort for the relationship. Long story short it leads me to depression. So honestly, though sometimes I see that short dating phase turns out good in marriage, it doesn’t work for all people.

    If you really love someone you want to do things that make them happy.

    I believe in this quote because if I love someone I always do things to make them happy…but it is really disappointing if he doesn’t…what is the point of relationship if it doesn’t makes us happy?
     

  • Life Picturesque,  Thoughts for Life

    I Love You; but That's not Enough

    Had many bitter relationship experiences in my life. Made the same mistakes over and over again. I was not thought how to commit. What I heard from my mom; I need to find a well established handsome man. Honestly I did not understand why I always end up with someone unstable, but I love them unconditionally. —-Turns out, mostly they disappoint me.
    I learned, love is not enough. You need to get to know your future partner first before getting into relationships. My problem was, my mom often asked me “where is your boyfriend?” I even had been single for a year and she kept asking the same question. It forces me to find a boyfriend fast. She also hoped I got married early. I wanted to take another degree again on psychology but my mom wouldn’t allow me, I know she had the money but she said,“it’s not the time to study anymore, think about marriage.” So after the age of 24 every boyfriend I had we always discuss about marriage. Marriage to me=freedom. (Had a not so good past with my parents that makes me just want to get out of here-save this story for later). For these reasons I chose the wrong man all the time. Well maybe not wrong, it’s just he is not the one for me, I just decide to soon.
    There are a some guys I said yes to but I did not love him (at first), then through time I learned to love him unconditionally. Why did I make a fast decision? 1st I was lack of love in my family, 2nd my mom always wanted me to have a partner. When she asked “where is your boyfriend?” and not just once I sometimes felt like no one loves me, I’m ugly, and so on (that was before though).
    Most of my relationships, I–wasn’t ready for it. I want the relationship for the wrong reasons. I was lonely, unloved.

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    Source Image

    So during one of my relationship, I barely knew him. In about a month or so he already asked me to be his GF. I–was afraid I wouldn’t get another man so I said yes. I was…not that happy…I guess? I accepted him because he has the same believes as mine, he wasn’t stable at economy but at least he work. Mom also agreed because he is quite handsome. I think he was a hard working man since he is still unstable and he seemed to love his family.
    After a few months. I felt I loved him dearly and unconditionally. He wasn’t good at saving money and he changed. He doesn’t care about me, he never texted me while he was working (I did not ask much but he seemed not interested to chat with me). I called him every time he comes home from work just to talk because I missed him but his respond was “I am tired/can we just chat?/can we talk later?”. I often nag about when can we get together, when can we meet, but his response hurts me slowly…I had the feelings he have another someone that he is close to. I rarely see his cell phone (I don’t like to check on phones). I ever asked him if he is bored with me and he did not say anything so I assumed yes. It really breaks my heart. I decided to just break it off with him. He cried. WTF, he cried and wants me back (I was so lazy to start another relationship, restarting over) so I accepted him. I wanted him to care about me more, I–wanted us to spend more time together. The first month he was so sweet and we decided to have an engagement on February. It was hard for me to believe him at first but I slowly can accept him again.
    On the second month, I think this was after the engagement, he was taking a shower in my house. I did not know why I was curious to see his cell phone that he borrowed from my mom. I was curious, saw his LINE and *bam*. Just a single chat from a lady and it showed how close they are. WTF, I cried. Had an argument with him. Long story short I gave him another chance. I did not know why I gave him another chance…but I was totally insecure after that. I kept asking where he went and so on. It was his fault making me this way. He said he doesn’t like me like this. Got me thinking…I cannot love him anymore. I break up with him again. He cried again saying last time he did not take it seriously. I did not accept him again. One month once a week he gave me a rose, but I cannot trust him anymore. So my relationship with him ended here. (FYI in a month he got a new GF–so during the roses phase he was already close to another woman). Meh :/ Well I hope he changed now.
    ____
    WHAT I HAVE LEARNED
    Love is not enough. Even though you loved someone so dearly but you did not do something that makes that person loved/happy or vice versa means you are not ready for the relationship.
    Love is not enough, it needs an effort even after marriage.
    Autopilot kills relationship. It’s doing something the same over and over again without any developments towards each other. Also having the same arguments without understanding each other is hard. I know thinking about it just lazy but if you are committed you need an effort. Here is a good site to discuss about relationship effort.
    Click Here
    …then again there is more to it…
    ~to be continued