To be honest. I have had too many disappointment in life. I didn’t say that I did not disappoint other people also though, but I am quite sure I have made people disappointed in me too. Me myself is not perfect too I know.
The previous post about disappointment, I wrote about trying to change. The thing is does “changing” people a good thing? It is a good thing if you change them to a better person. According to my experience though, we cannot totally change people’s character. It’s to the point where you need to accept them for who they are. I know it is hard. It is definitely hard for me.
My character, I got disappointed easily. During my relationships with someone, I often wanted to change them to be a better person. For me it is normal when you don’t want your boyfriend to get close with another woman, or vice versa because it leads to what you called temptation. Or other things like want them to not be lazy, have a job, 24/7 with you, etc etc, but perfect isn’t for human. One of my bad characteristic is I always feel I lack of attention (towards my partner).
He got the looks but he wasn’t good at his economy. My mom probably doesn’t allow me to be with him. So I prayed to God for His guidance. I eventually said yes to him. We both are Christian. Every start of relationship is always great. Fresh. We went to Church every Sunday. It was great for a few months. Then we started to skipped Church, I became lazy to pray. I think it effects my relationships. I start lacking of his attention. I craved and I think it made him feels disturbed? I need to tell him or even begged him for attention. It’s going on and on until a few months. I feel there’s distant between us. I started to get insecure, I demanded him to come to my house more often and so on. I feel what I did made him uncomfortable and he started to mingle with other women. Made me more insecure and unhappy I should have break up, well I did, he begged me to get back with him. I thought, maybe he learned his lesson. But no, he did not, instead I found out that he was flirting with another woman. Why did he not just break up with me, was it because my mom has money or something? Why did he hurt me over and over again. Even on our engagement day he wasn’t looking happy. I don’t understand. I got disappointed every single day. I cannot change him to be better.
He wasn’t my first choice, he is 3 years younger than me. What did I expect? He went to my house everyday like he was crazy about me. I actually had the feeling that we wont last long. I accepted him (because I felt he truly loved me). I know very well we did not really match for each other. Lasts for only 4 months. He was in my previous posts before. He was the very worst of my ex. While he was with me he’s still close with his ex. While he was with me he was flirting with another woman. Why do I always made the wrong choice? I think before accepting anyone I should think about it more. I should know his background.
Kept doing the same mistake. I trust people so easily that I got disappointed all the time. I thought he was the one, but he wasn’t. With him it was like a fairy tale. He often said good things to me. Good visions for the future, but on the present time the future visions wouldn’t be accomplished if he has that kind of characteristics. We both weren’t ready for serious commitments. It was all about love, but love always isn’t enough.
Lesson learned. We can’t change a person characteristics, a little maybe can. We can make them to be better but we can’t change them to have a different character. We need to accept them and if you can’t accept them don’t be with them or get married with them.