The past cannot be changed, the future is shaped by our current thinking. It is imperative for our freedom to understand that our parents were doing the best they could with the understanding awareness and knowledge they had. Whenever we blame someone else, we are not taking responsibility for ourselves.
Those people who did all those terrible things to us were just as frightened and scared as you are. They felt just the same helplessness as you do. The only things they could possible teach you are what they had been taught.
~taken from a book called You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay
This is my current issue. I know that I should stop blaming them (especially my mom) but it is hard. I know she had provided for me but you know, I have lived with her my entire life and there are so much pain that she had caused me. I am coming through a process which I try not to blame her anymore.
So in the book also asked, did you know about your parents pasts? Honestly I thought about it quite a lot. I know that her dad was a gambler and a cheater (I think she hated him and my own grandpa even doesn’t know me). I know she lived a hard life and worked hard her entire life because she lived poorly and always said to me that she don’t want to be like my grandma (weak and doesn’t have money). Then she had to overcome a divorce when I was in my middle school. I just knew that my dad had often cheated on her. I was closer to my dad before and I did not know that he was that kind of person. She had been through a lot in her life…it effects me too, it effects the way she educates me. I never failed at school, but I wasn’t good at it either. My mom doesn’t really care about my grades I did not know why…I wish she were because I wanted to study more when I graduated from my first bachelor degree. (She always wanted me to get married don’t know why–probably because of my family surroundings).
You know when she did and said those mean things to me I always thought maybe I’m not her child or maybe I reminds her of my dad. I don’t know maybe I had this resemblance of him? It doesn’t really matter to me anymore. I grew to be a stronger woman now. I mean these things made my eyes open about the different aspects of life. However, my step-father is more to a supportive father, he often tells me to do what I like in life (instead to always listens to my mother) but I never took it seriously because I feel that my mom is more dominate and it was my fault. He even concerned when I was in a relationship with someone who doesn’t have a job and still depends on mommy’s money. Well…
To conclude this topic, yes parents gave a great impact of what you become; but remember that after you graduated from high school or maybe university you have a freedom and the right to choose what you like to do in your life. Even though you will still need their direction, it is still your choice of what you want to be.