• Life Picturesque

    Moon Fairie Festival

    Role Plays based on my FFXIV characters & races ;


    We are lucky; I meant me and the other people that attended the festival are lucky; we have a clear night sky across The Peaceful Caye during the first day of festive. I decided to go there alone since I don’t really gathered up with my friends anymore. It has been a while I closed up with them. I have been in this world for a year and I can’t remember my memories before that. I don’t have any relatives or even family. Strange thing is, the more I try to remember the more it become painful. So I tend to forget and just live my life as it is. The first thing I remembered I was in The Dreary Islands, an independent marine city state of The Peaceful Caye. A beautiful city with ships, sailors, fisher and beaches. In a short while I was called to a guild. They teach me how to be a White Sage; I woke up in this world without knowing what had happened to me or where I came from. So rather than not doing anything, I decided to just follow what the people asked me to do. I was quite devastated because of my memory loss but through time I manage to just go on with it. My friends also said that I need to move on, but it seemed to always gets back to me, wondering where I was born, where are my family and my friends seemed tired of hearing my same problems again and again… Anyway, they are past me already. I had been upset so many times that I tend not to talk to people. I tend not to trust people anymore…I tend not to smile a lot anymore…
    …but when I see this little cuties, it must be the first time I smiled for a long while.
    Moon Fairie Festival
    (UnknownGirl looking around) I thought I heard a click nearby; maybe a lot of people are taking pictures in the festival^^; it’s safe here right? (went back looking at the cute toys in front of her).
    (Guy behind the toy stand) She has the cutest smile…Thought I seen her looking sad while coming over to the festival alone. Maybe I should say hi? Nah. That’s not me. I might as well go home after taking my prize…(getting through the crowd) ahhh too crowded.
    (UnknownGirl looking towards the guy’s back and the crowd) I thought somebody was looking at me, maybe just my feelings? I feel a little bit anxious today…maybe because of this crowd. I hate the crowd. I think I’m going to relax a bit on the water.
    OK. Done for the day, time to go home. Do I need to swim through to get across? *Sigh* Oh? (realizing UnknownGirl relaxing on the water) Isn’t that the girl on the toy stand?
    *Click* and run…
    Moon Fairie Festival-2
    Huh? Did I hear a click again just now? Or was it just my imagination? *Sigh* I think I am too tired. Probably I have to go home now…

  • Life Picturesque,  Thoughts for Life

    Tiny bits of ME VS Chester Bennington

    I am currently at Semarang right now. I had finally did a consultation with my grandma and my aunt for my problems. I feel that I can talk to them more than my parents ;_; or I guess the most closest people are the most far for some people. My grandma and aunt told me something that I really wanted to hear. One of it is going to school again. I mean, university. I had always loved psychology and I wanted to study psychology since I graduated from my first bachelor degree.
    I’m going to discuss a bit about parenting here. First of all, I don’t have the backgrounds and true knowledge of the things I said but it has to do with common people thinking.
    So I always felt that I don’t really have good parents. They do love me I know. It’s just their way of doing it is wrong. My mom and biological dad has been divorced since I was in middle school. I used to be closer to my biological dad but after 6 months they had been divorced I feel like I have been dumped by him. I am not sure whether my mom pays him not to see him anymore or is it really him and his new wife that has problem with having me. I didn’t really care back then.
    Living just with my mom is really hard. I often got stressed and I feel so unloved. She cannot love me the way I want to be loved. She thinks I feel loved just by her providing for me, giving me things that I did not ask…but when I really want something she doesn’t give.
    I had my first nervous breakdown when I was in university. I was 19. I had a stupid fight with my mom. Wanting her to understand me but she never thinks about other people, the important thing is she is always right. When she came in my room I suddenly shouted real hard. Without saying any words. Just shout. I asked for help to my cousin and my other aunt but they not seemed to care so I stopped depending with my family. I just want to feel loved until and I feel that when I got attention from other people. I got in bad past relationships because I can’t really choose a good partner. My mom only cares for me to have a boyfriend and get married soon. I…was never ready to get married, but I really want to get out of this house. So I finally tried to follow what she wants. I never get a long lasting relationship because I cannot think clearly what is best for me. I never think about the future until now. I have no vision. I was a lost child. Ok let’s stop here first. I will post about my life more in the future.
    I am actually grateful that all these this happens to me because at the end it inspires me. It gives me inspirations to write. It gives me the will to help people that are having problems like me or even worse.
    I have an example. Chester Bennington. He is the lead singer in Linkin Park. It was my favorite band during my school year. Chester had a bad past. Here’s a link to his story Click Here. His problems was in the past but he still struggles with his life after he already became famous. I don’t really know about the details but he ended his life by doing suicide. In Christian it’s really an awful thing to do. You will go to hell for that. What I want to discuss though, I really admire his works, his songs really inspires me, but why? Why he ended his life? Maybe he is not that close to God. Maybe he did not pray enough. I think one of his songs called Heavy really reflect that he is having problems.

    I’m holding on
    Why is everything so heavy?
    Holding on
    So much more than I can carry
    I keep dragging around what’s bringing me down
    If I just let go, I’d be set free
    Holding on
    Why is everything so heavy?
    I am a Christian but I still often thinks about suicide. I think you cannot avoid suicide thinking if you have been through problems like me or Chester. I cannot compare my problems to him though because my pasts wasn’t as traumatic as him. I’m actually really sad that he decides to end his life because I always loved his songs. If I can talk or convince him before he suicide, I really want to do that.

    If they say
    Who cares if one more light goes out?
    In the sky of a million stars
    It flickers, flickers
    Who cares when someone’s time runs out?
    If a moment is all we are
    Or quicker, quicker
    Who cares if one more light goes out?
    Well I do