• Life Picturesque,  Thoughts for Life

    Blaming Your Family

    The past cannot be changed, the future is shaped by our current thinking. It is imperative for our freedom to understand that our parents were doing the best they could with the understanding awareness and knowledge they had. Whenever we blame someone else, we are not taking responsibility for ourselves.
    Those people who did all those terrible things to us were just as frightened and scared as you are. They felt just the same helplessness as you do. The only things they could possible teach you are what they had been taught.

    ~taken from a book called You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay
    This is my current issue. I know that I should stop blaming them (especially my mom) but it is hard. I know she had provided for me but you know, I have lived with her my entire life and there are so much pain that she had caused me. I am coming through a process which I try not to blame her anymore.
    So in the book also asked, did you know about your parents pasts? Honestly I thought about it quite a lot. I know that her dad was a gambler and a cheater (I think she hated him and my own grandpa even doesn’t know me). I know she lived a hard life and worked hard her entire life because she lived poorly and always said to me that she don’t want to be like my grandma (weak and doesn’t have money). Then she had to overcome a divorce when I was in my middle school. I just knew that my dad had often cheated on her. I was closer to my dad before and I did not know that he was that kind of person. She had been through a lot in her life…it effects me too, it effects the way she educates me. I never failed at school, but I wasn’t good at it either. My mom doesn’t really care about my grades I did not know why…I wish she were because I wanted to study more when I graduated from my first bachelor degree. (She always wanted me to get married don’t know why–probably because of my family surroundings).
    You know when she did and said those mean things to me I always thought maybe I’m not her child or maybe I reminds her of my dad. I don’t know maybe I had this resemblance of him? It doesn’t really matter to me anymore. I grew to be a stronger woman now. I mean these things made my eyes open about the different aspects of life. However, my step-father is more to a supportive father, he often tells me to do what I like in life (instead to always listens to my mother) but I never took it seriously because I feel that my mom is more dominate and it was my fault. He even concerned when I was in a relationship with someone who doesn’t have a job and still depends on mommy’s money. Well…
    To conclude this topic, yes parents gave a great impact of what you become; but remember that after you graduated from high school or maybe university you have a freedom and the right to choose what you like to do in your life. Even though you will still need their direction, it is still your choice of what you want to be.
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  • Fragment of Memories,  Life Picturesque,  Thoughts for Life

    Disappointment Part I: I Promise I will Change

    I’m sorry,
    I promise I will change.
    I’m sorry,
    I promise I will change.
    I’m sorry,
    I promise I will change.
    I’m sorry,
    I promise I will change.
    I’m sorry.
    You got your chance. Goodbye~
    Do you know the feelings of disappointment? Have you ever been disappointed or even disappoint someone? How much do you love someone until you are willing to forgive them over and over and over again no matter how much they hurt you?
    ~to be continued
     

  • Mystery / Horror,  TV Series & Movie Junkie

    Netflix: The Mist

    SEASON 1 : 10 Episodes
    tw-28619
    I was waiting for this series since the trailer comes out. So far I love it.  Good or bad is relative to all people.
    Genre: Drama, Horror
    Plot: After an eerie mist rolls into a small town, the residents must battle the mysterious mist and its threats, fighting to maintain their morality and sanity.
     

  • Life Picturesque,  Thoughts for Life

    He's not that Into You

    He’s just not that into you if he’s a selfish jerk, a bully or a really big freak. If you really love someone you want to do things that make them happy.

    ~taken from a book called He’s not that Into You by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo
    I’m really not a book person but when there’s a good book I take a good read (mostly books about psychology, love, life).
    He was perfect. He has ways to make me feel good. I knew he was the one. *Silence* At least that’s what I thought. We have a different way of living here in my country. I think that most western people, before they got married, they lived with their partners for a few years then they decided to get married. Here like most Asians do, we cannot live like that. It is a very different life if you compare dating phase and marriage phase.
    My family is quite different from the others (perhaps). Sometimes my parents allow my bf to stay a night or two at the house (during weekends). There I can know how they actually acts around the house. For example if we had finished eating, will he help us to clean the plates? I mean I know it is my house but he is my boyfriend, at least be considerate. It is really a good thing to know if he just automatically helps without me saying anything. This act would also make my parents thinks he is good. This act will make me think that I can depend on him.
    Back to this topic : He was perfect. He has ways to make me feel good. I knew he was the one. *Silence* At least that’s what I thoughtI dated this guy once. He is really good at making people believed in him. It was a really short dating phase when I thought that he is the one. We get serious. He does makes me happy at first but then after awhile he stopped doing effort for the relationship. Long story short it leads me to depression. So honestly, though sometimes I see that short dating phase turns out good in marriage, it doesn’t work for all people.

    If you really love someone you want to do things that make them happy.

    I believe in this quote because if I love someone I always do things to make them happy…but it is really disappointing if he doesn’t…what is the point of relationship if it doesn’t makes us happy?
     

  • Life Picturesque,  Thoughts for Life

    Relatives & New Faces; Getting to Know Them

    I went to Surabaya for 3 days. I can’t really get the time to write blogs at that time. Woke up quite late for 2 days because we went home 2-3 a.m. Met some unknown relatives here that I never met (mom’s cousins and children). Pasar Atom is like ITC Mangga Dua in Jakarta but much more smaller. I bought a bag, kentang bawang snack (fav snack all time) and I bought coffees 🙂 Love love it 💕
    The first and second day we met my uncle (aunt’s and mom’s cousin). He is really friendly and fun. I actually got to know a daughter of his but unfortunately she was in Jakarta when we went to Surabaya.
    At night we went to watch Annabelle with a relative that is 6 years younger than me. The film was scary. I love horror movies but I’m scared of the jump scare. Anyway. My relative is a nice girl. We have a chance to actually get to know each other. Anyway after the film we went to McDonald’s and spent another 1 to 2 hours together. I was already tired since I’m used to stay at home.
    Next day we went to Pasar Atom. I don’t really like that kind of places. Gets me anxious and tired fast. I don’t like the crowd but I like to buy the things XD. Oh and I was scared of taking pictures here because me and my cousin just witnessed a robbery just outside Pasar Atom (across from where we were standing). Well I did not really see the robber took something from the guy but it just happened right before we crossed the road to Pasar Atom.
    At night we went with the same relative again with her boyfriend going for a Karaoke. Went to McDonald’s again. Very tired I slept until 10 a.m. I think it’s past my time like going home late. Haha. Maybe when I was still 22 I’m still excited to go.
    Anyway not really much anything we did. Just met a few relatives and went back to Semarang. 
    My intention going was just to have a little refreshment and go outside my house once in awhile, also to talk to my aunt and grandma about my problems. They seemed to understand more than my family. I wish I went here for culinary but no we did not. Even in Surabaya we only went for shopping and meet relatives.
    I am happy that I meet some of my relatives in Surabaya so that I could get to know them. My mom is never a sociable person. She doesn’t like to be around family very much. I don’t know why…maybe she ever had a traumatic event before. I don’t know…but my aunt is different she is very sociable and manage to get connected to the family (her cousins and so on). Me, I love to connect with my relatives and friends. I never hated to meet them, it’s just that now because I had this problem, it’s really hard for me to meet people…but I’m still trying 🙂
     

  • Cartoon / Comedy,  TV Series & Movie Junkie

    Netflix: NAKED!?!?

    Naked 1
    It was on Netflix highlight, the genre is comedy, romance and fantasy. Trust me it’s more of a comedy to it. I don’t know why IMDb rate is low, because to me this movie really gets me laughing all the way. Worth watching. Click here for more information about the movie.
    Naked 2
     
    So summary of the story is this guy are supposed to be married today but he is in an elevator and stuck in a time loop, worst thing, he is naked.
     
     
     
    Here is a trailer of the movie I got from YouTube.

     

  • Life Picturesque,  Thoughts for Life

    I Love You; because…

    You are pretty.
    You have money.
    Because I can earn prestige from you.
    ____
    It was love at first sight. It was pure chemistry. I remembered I was in a country so cold; I was in a tour…He has this type of manly face and body that I like. Let’s say he is A.
    I felt the innocent sparkles between us towards our trip. He looked at me, I looked at him; all through the trip.
    I did not know he was much younger than me because he looks much mature and for me, I always looked young (not to brag but people always thought I’m still in high school; don’t know if that is good or bad).
    We get to trade numbers though.
    There is this other man. Let’s say he is B. He is his cousin. I did not notice him at all during the trip but…after the trip we started texting. I do enjoyed talking to him but just as friends.
    Went a few dates with A. My heart was “doki-doki” when I was with him; but his age is my concern.
    I did not end up with A. The main reason was, he went out with his friends. I texted him but he did not reply within days. So I thought, maybe he wasn’t serious and ready to commit yet.
    I started to date B. It wasn’t love. It was a sweet escape for us. Deep down I know, he did not love me for me but for prestige. (I have this cool sports car–not that expensive though). I think it makes him proud that “I looked like I have money”. His ex wasn’t as good economy as my family; he is the type of guy that compares.
    He was my nightmare through out all of my previous relationship. I though wasn’t ready to be committed too. I made a fast hasty decision of accepting him. He changed, he cannot accept who I am, I too cannot accept for who he is. He just left. Gone. By the wind. Goodbye sucky love.
    _____
    I want to be loved for what I am inside. Not because I’m pretty, but because I have a good personality (can’t say I am). Not because I have money but because I care and respect you. Doesn’t all people do?
    …but love is much more complicated than that…so to be continued I guess? o(*≧□≦)o
     
     
     

  • Life Picturesque,  Thoughts for Life

    I Love You; but That's not Enough

    Had many bitter relationship experiences in my life. Made the same mistakes over and over again. I was not thought how to commit. What I heard from my mom; I need to find a well established handsome man. Honestly I did not understand why I always end up with someone unstable, but I love them unconditionally. —-Turns out, mostly they disappoint me.
    I learned, love is not enough. You need to get to know your future partner first before getting into relationships. My problem was, my mom often asked me “where is your boyfriend?” I even had been single for a year and she kept asking the same question. It forces me to find a boyfriend fast. She also hoped I got married early. I wanted to take another degree again on psychology but my mom wouldn’t allow me, I know she had the money but she said,“it’s not the time to study anymore, think about marriage.” So after the age of 24 every boyfriend I had we always discuss about marriage. Marriage to me=freedom. (Had a not so good past with my parents that makes me just want to get out of here-save this story for later). For these reasons I chose the wrong man all the time. Well maybe not wrong, it’s just he is not the one for me, I just decide to soon.
    There are a some guys I said yes to but I did not love him (at first), then through time I learned to love him unconditionally. Why did I make a fast decision? 1st I was lack of love in my family, 2nd my mom always wanted me to have a partner. When she asked “where is your boyfriend?” and not just once I sometimes felt like no one loves me, I’m ugly, and so on (that was before though).
    Most of my relationships, I–wasn’t ready for it. I want the relationship for the wrong reasons. I was lonely, unloved.

    5464cf5a5cbee01134cd698f7151d14b
    Source Image

    So during one of my relationship, I barely knew him. In about a month or so he already asked me to be his GF. I–was afraid I wouldn’t get another man so I said yes. I was…not that happy…I guess? I accepted him because he has the same believes as mine, he wasn’t stable at economy but at least he work. Mom also agreed because he is quite handsome. I think he was a hard working man since he is still unstable and he seemed to love his family.
    After a few months. I felt I loved him dearly and unconditionally. He wasn’t good at saving money and he changed. He doesn’t care about me, he never texted me while he was working (I did not ask much but he seemed not interested to chat with me). I called him every time he comes home from work just to talk because I missed him but his respond was “I am tired/can we just chat?/can we talk later?”. I often nag about when can we get together, when can we meet, but his response hurts me slowly…I had the feelings he have another someone that he is close to. I rarely see his cell phone (I don’t like to check on phones). I ever asked him if he is bored with me and he did not say anything so I assumed yes. It really breaks my heart. I decided to just break it off with him. He cried. WTF, he cried and wants me back (I was so lazy to start another relationship, restarting over) so I accepted him. I wanted him to care about me more, I–wanted us to spend more time together. The first month he was so sweet and we decided to have an engagement on February. It was hard for me to believe him at first but I slowly can accept him again.
    On the second month, I think this was after the engagement, he was taking a shower in my house. I did not know why I was curious to see his cell phone that he borrowed from my mom. I was curious, saw his LINE and *bam*. Just a single chat from a lady and it showed how close they are. WTF, I cried. Had an argument with him. Long story short I gave him another chance. I did not know why I gave him another chance…but I was totally insecure after that. I kept asking where he went and so on. It was his fault making me this way. He said he doesn’t like me like this. Got me thinking…I cannot love him anymore. I break up with him again. He cried again saying last time he did not take it seriously. I did not accept him again. One month once a week he gave me a rose, but I cannot trust him anymore. So my relationship with him ended here. (FYI in a month he got a new GF–so during the roses phase he was already close to another woman). Meh :/ Well I hope he changed now.
    ____
    WHAT I HAVE LEARNED
    Love is not enough. Even though you loved someone so dearly but you did not do something that makes that person loved/happy or vice versa means you are not ready for the relationship.
    Love is not enough, it needs an effort even after marriage.
    Autopilot kills relationship. It’s doing something the same over and over again without any developments towards each other. Also having the same arguments without understanding each other is hard. I know thinking about it just lazy but if you are committed you need an effort. Here is a good site to discuss about relationship effort.
    Click Here
    …then again there is more to it…
    ~to be continued
     
     
     

  • Life Picturesque

    It's a Small Matter

    It’s just a small matter but it occurs often.
    Little by little it breaks me apart.
    That often turns it to a big matter.
    It makes me down;
    It made a lot of pain.
    People would just told me to forget it.
    I couldn’t.
    I had enough.
    I want to be happy.
    Free.
    Far away from that matter.